By Michael J. Young, Estate Planning and Elder Law Attorney, Walnut Creek, California
Short answer: If you are worried about an aging parent, start by finding out whether your parent has an up-to-date estate plan. A good plan, signed while your parent still has mental capacity, addresses most of what adult children worry about: who can step in to help, how care will be paid for, what happens to the home, and how to keep peace among brothers and sisters.
I have been an estate planning and elder law attorney in Walnut Creek for more than 30 years. This article is for the sons and daughters of aging parents. These are the five worries I hear most often.
1. “I don’t know if my parents even have an estate plan.”
Many adult children do not know whether their parents have a trust, a will, or powers of attorney. If the documents exist, they often do not know where they are kept. That is the first thing to find out, because nothing else can be evaluated until you know what is in place.
2. “I’m afraid to ask.”
You may worry that your parents will think you are butting in, trying to take over, or being greedy. You are not. You are trying to help, and no one is in a better position to help parents than their children.
The conversation can begin with one easy question: “Mom, Dad, do you have an estate plan?” Then ask when it was last updated, and tell them, “We want to help you.”
3. “What if their memory gets worse?”
A financial power of attorney and the other estate planning documents must be signed while your parents still have good mental capacity. If a parent loses capacity before the documents are in place, the family may have to go to court, in a proceeding such as a conservatorship, to get the authority an estate plan would have provided. That is slower and more expensive than planning ahead.
If memory is already a concern, see my page on Alzheimer’s planning, and do not wait.
4. “How will we pay for care, and will they lose their home?”
The cost of long-term care is one of the biggest fears families have. Adult children want to know how care will be paid for, whether their parents could lose their home, and whether the estate plan is set up for asset protection through Medi-Cal.
Some parents have an estate plan that contains no Medi-Cal asset protection provisions. Others have the provisions on paper but never carried them out. Either way, the plan should be reviewed, especially since California brought back the Medi-Cal asset test on January 1, 2026. My Medi-Cal Planning page explains more.
5. “Will my brothers and sisters fight?”
Children worry about fighting among siblings after their parents are gone, and also while their parents are alive and one child is trying to help. A clear estate plan, in which your parents state who is in charge and what they want, removes much of what families argue about.
Where to start
All five worries lead to the same place. Your parents need to start with a good estate plan. Ask the question, find the documents, and have them reviewed.
I work with families anywhere in California, and I can represent your parents remotely, wherever they live. To reach me, go to walnutcreekelderlaw.com and send an inquiry, or call (925) 256-0298. When I receive it, I will call you or your parents.
Questions and answers
How do I ask my parents if they have an estate plan?
Keep it simple and direct: “Mom, Dad, do you have an estate plan? When was it last updated? We want to help you.” Asking out of concern is not being greedy.
What happens if my parent loses mental capacity without a power of attorney?
Your parent can no longer sign estate planning documents, so the family may need a court proceeding, such as a conservatorship, before anyone can manage your parent’s finances.
Can an estate plan help protect my parents’ home from the cost of care?
An estate plan can include Medi-Cal asset protection provisions. Whether and how they help depends on your parents’ assets, health, and timing, which is why the plan should be reviewed by an elder law attorney.
My parents live in another part of California. Can you still help?
Yes. I represent clients remotely throughout California by phone, Zoom, and email.
Who is the client, me or my parents?
Your parents are. Children are welcome to take part and help, but the plan belongs to your parents and reflects their wishes.
About the author
Michael J. Young is an estate planning and elder law attorney with more than 30 years of experience. His office, Law Offices of Michael J. Young, Inc., is at 1931 San Miguel Dr., Suite 220, Walnut Creek, CA 94596, and he represents clients remotely throughout California.
This article is general information, not legal advice, and reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every family’s situation is different. This is attorney advertising.
